I'm hoping it's just a temporary blip but I've been purging again the last couple of days. I was trying so hard. Trying to actually eat a "reasonable" amount of calories. But the amount I know logically I should aim to be eating just seems so utterly unreasonable and when I try and eat more the urge to get rid of it is unconquerable. Or at least it feels like it is.
The thing that pushed me over the edge yesterday was a small bowl of icecream. I'd had 190 calories while at work and then ate a small evening meal (bulking up my plate with salad to hide how little I was eating). Then partner, who is now in the "you need a gain a few pounds" camp gave me a bowl of icecream. I tried so hard not to, but I ended up purging. Though I did force myself to eat a piece of toast and a raw mushroom to try and replace some of the calories.
I think giving in that one time made it a lot harder. Tonight I couldn't resist the urge. *sigh*
Though I'm trying to remind myself it took me several false starts to quit smoking... so maybe next time will be the charm.
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