I had a job interview recently and found out today that I didn’t get the job. I’ve got a few other irons in the fire but it still was a bit upsetting. I really, really, wanted this post. The eating disorder/self hate thoughts have been really bad since then. Even though I can spot what’s triggered the thoughts it’s not been making it any easier. And I’ve started a slightly vicious cycle of triggering myself further. I’ve spent all my free time today reading diet sites and watching diet programmes (Channel 4OD Cook Yourself Thin – seriously… how annoying is that presenter! But I can’t tear myself away). I even started myself an account on a diet site to track weight loss and calories for fucks sake.
I couldn’t really be bothered trying to fight the thoughts so haven’t eaten much. I did end up breaking and eat ten sweets and then spent five panicked minutes trying to find out how many calories were in a single Skittle (about 4.6 apparently). Again… for fucks sake.
Not a great day overall. But I’m spending the evening trying to distract myself, playing with the dogs etc.
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