GP visit

I saw my GP today (first thing this morning and then had to rush to work afterwards – oh joy) and my partner did go with me. Because partner was there I didn’t directly manage to say I was struggling with eating disorder problems again. I explained that my mood had been fine, but I was having some issues with obsessive/intrusive thoughts and that my partner had some worries about my current medication and side effects he was noticing that I hadn’t really noticed myself. Partner then explained some of the things that worried him with aspergers traits that he recognised from a colleague who had been diagnosed with aspergers. And he explained from his point of view how some of these traits (especially irritability/rituals) had been so much worse since taking this new medication.

I actually felt really shocked when he was talking as I didn’t realise how bizarrely I act sometimes from an outside point of view. He gave examples of how controlled I am by ritualistic behaviour and how this affected him and he found it hard to live with. He said that in recent months he’d felt sometimes I was so erratic/confused/forgetful it was like living with someone who had some form of dementia! That was really hard to hear and at first I felt like saying he was exaggerating or that it wasn’t true. But I guess it does tie in with the things I’ve been screwing up at work and how much I’m struggling with my work load (didn’t tell GP or partner this as hadn’t told partner how hard I was finding work at the moment and didn’t really want to go into it then and there). In the end GP made a couple of small recommendations and medication changes but really wanted me to see my psychiatrist to discuss any other medication changes/stopping any particular medication completely. I’m seeing psychiatrist in about 2 or 3 weeks.

I talked about it with partner on the way to the bus-stop so I could go to work and we discussed how actually talking to psychiatrist and potentially getting and ASD type diagnosis would or wouldn’t change things. He basically said he’d find it less frustrating if he knew there was a reason I sometimes acted the way I did. And he really thought that a different medication is really important as he says the erratic behaviour is something that isn’t me and is just because of the medication. I’ve just got to watch my mood now to make sure changes in medication don’t precipitate mood switching and go back to my GP if there is an issue.

Anyway, so in summary, I didn’t talk to GP about eating issues, but I do think that I made some big steps in letting partner be involved in medical care and how understanding/helpful he was has made me feel more confident about the potential for talking to him about eating problems. And hopefully if the medication was ramping up my intrusive/obsessive thoughts a lessening of them might actually help the eating issues as well. (Plus the medication does seem to have a big appetite suppression effect on me, so taking less of it might make it harder to engage in restrictive type behaviours).

Eating, however, hasn’t been too bad recently. I’ve not posted for a few days because I went away for a short break and didn’t have much internet access. While I was away I ate more or less normally and didn’t purge. And I actually gained a little bit of weight! Yesterday was a bit of a relapse into back into disordered ways (purged twice) and I’ve lost that little bit of weight again this morning. I’m currently on the border between normal/underweight, so I’ll try and maintain current weight and try and not weigh myself as often (I think the relapse yesterday was because of seeing that I’d gained) and try really really hard to talk to partner about what’s going on and/or be able to tell psychiatrist when I next see him. Telling psychiatrist might be easier as he often asks about content of intrusive/obsessive thoughts and that might give me a way to broach the subject. If I can’t tell partner (or psychiatrist, with partner present) then I’ll make a GP appointment (without partner) if I don’t manage to maintain my current weight/get purging under control.

Ok... enough waffling for the day... I guess I had a lot on my mind with not posting for a few days.