Well the busy weekend was good and I didn’t purge on Friday, Saturday or Sunday. And On Saturday and Sunday I ate more or less normally. This morning I had lost about a pound - which was shocking given food/alcohol intake over the weekend. I guess I must have either eaten less than I thought or done more than I’d thought – or maybe it just takes more than a couple of days normal eating to reverse the calorie restriction of recent months. But even so this weekend is fairly positive in terms of fighting back against the eating disorder.
Today has been mostly rubbish in that I’ve come down with a horrible cold. I was trying really hard to keep up the good work of the weekend and use the theory that you should “feed a cold” so I ate a lot for lunch. But that did tip me over the edge and I ended up purging.
Immediately after I came back from the bathroom (after purging) I had a customer/client turn up unexpectedly to see me. A lot of my role is managing customers/client’s records, but a significant part of my role is pastoral. I often end up being the initial point of contact when something is affecting a customer/client’s ability to work with the organisation, and I have to listen to the problems, put practical work related assistance in place where appropriate and direct customers/client’s to appropriate services/support within our organisation and related organisations. This particular person is really struggling with depression and I’ve been strongly suggesting to them that they should make an appointment with their GP (along with some other stuff that my organisation can help with).* I felt so hypocritical sitting there, feeling dizzy, with my throat throbbing and positive that my breath probably reeked of sick, trying to reassure them that it would be a sensible thing to do when I’m pretty much terrified of seeing my GP about the issues I’m having. It’s a pity that I won’t listen to my own advice!
*This is difficult to express with explaining exactly what my job is/where I work, and client/customer isn’t really the best terminology, but since this is an anonymous blog it’ll just have to be vague! Please be assured that by the nature of my vagueness you’re not getting all the details and all appropriate advice has been given/action been taken. And also I’ve changed a couple of key details, without changing the gist of the story, to protect my/client/customer anonymity and also on the extremely unlikely off-chance that my client/customer would read this blog and think “hey I went to see X today unexpectedly to talk about my problems and they had just come back from the loo and they did look a bit ill during the meeting, maybe this is their blog”, then no, sorry, I’ve changed details so that if you think you recognise yourself then it’s definitely not you! This and all examples I use from the workplace will always be amalgamations of real events that illustrate the point while still leaving me/others unidentifiable. Phew! Hope that incoherent babble made sense!!!
Ooh, congrats on the weekend purge free :) that's great! I have felt like a total hypocrite before too. I think it's different if you're working though - I'd get annoyed if a friend was telling me to do something whilst not doing it themselves, but it's understandable in your job. I hope your client gets themselves some help.
ReplyDeleteI always find it easier to give advice than take it. x
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