My partner said I should try and focus on the positives more as apparently I can be a very negative person. I initially started writing this post as very short statements of negative ARGHness. So I’ve gone through it again and tried to add positive comments after each negative statement.
Another row with partner – I wish I could tell him why I’m so irritable and why I can’t seem to focus on anything.
But apart from the last couple of days we really do have a very strong relationship.
And I’ve been very busy at work again only this time it feels like I’m drowning rather than using the work as a distraction.
I’ve been so busy today because I have had so many meetings – I’ve been in these meetings because people invite me as they value my opinion. Tomorrow I only have one meeting and will have time to focus on other tasks. And tomorrow is Friday and the start of the weekend!
I purged again last night. I feel like I’m failing at recovery!
But the thoughts have been fairly quiet since then and I’ve had a “normal” day. I’ve managed a “normal” lunch – avoiding all the little rituals and obsessions usually accompanying it. And I even had a snack in the afternoon. And there’s been no real change in relation to weight. Not really down, and not up.
Positivity is a funny thing. On one hand, I think it's downright useless telling someone who is depressed that they should look for the positives, because depression is an illness, not a bad habit! But on the other, I found it helpful to learn not to catastrophise everything and to look for good things to come out of bad situations. So I think it's a good thing if you can do it, but no good at all if it just makes you feel guilty and like your feelings are your fault.
ReplyDeleteHaving a "normal" lunch sounds like a really good step forward! I don't think you can ever really fail at recovery while you're still alive ;)